Here is an incomplete list of all of the bizarre ways in which I have been injured/hospitalized through the years.
- 3rd grade; Godfather’s rescue dog, unprovoked, bites my face. Around my eye. Am rushed to the ER; get stitches around my eye. Am forced to wear eye patch for 8 weeks. Thankfully,…
Woah, dude. And I thought I was bad!!
4 months old - my 2 older brothers each grab one of my arms and play tug of war with me, I go into shock and into hospital.
2 years old - I think I’m clever and run away from mum after my bath, I slip on the lino and crack my head open on the column heater. Unknown amount of stitches, still got an inch long scar on my forehead.
7 years old - My friend, Angel, shows off doing cartwheels and manages to kick me in the face in the process, split my left nostril open and left a scar which is only just beginning to fade now.
9 years old - My friend, Brye, pulls my hat off my head and rips out an earring in the process, it healed nicely and for some bizarre reason never fully closed or scarred.
10/11 years old - Broken outside bone in right hand after a misjudged punch, After Hours is busy so they x-ray and send me on my way with instructions to rest the hand and they’ll call if I need a cast. They called, but my brother didn’t tell us about it until about 2-3 months later. It’s broken twice more since then.
11 years old - A folding scooter collapsed mid-ride, leaving me with a broken bone and a “misplaced” fracture in my left arm… basically half the bone slid back and up. It stuck out in a huge lump and had to be literally squeezed back into place.
Same year I fell down a tree in Horseshoe Lake Forest and broke my tailbone - it’s still fucked and painful to this day.
14 years old - At the fireworks display at New Brighton beach some teenage boys decide to let off fireworks from someone’s butt (like he’s farting fireworks, geddit?) and inevitably he gets burned and kicks the fireworks away. Into my face. I want to go to St John van but mum tells me to stop being a drama queen and she’ll look at it when we get home. An hour later we get home, she turns on the kitchen light and screams “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE!?!?!?!” Derp. Gunpowder and dried blood over half my face from a large burn on my forehead. Scar’s faded almost completely now! This scar is the reason I had a fringe from age 14 onwards…
17 years old - Another minor burn to my face, this time from the Zip at my work. This scar was the reason I started wearing makeup… once it faded I stopped though.
18 years old - Taking apart a Christmas tree stand, one of the legs stuck and I managed to cut my forearm, from wrist to elbow! The scar’s still mostly there and people look at it all the time like “omg she tried to kill herself lulz”.
21 years old - Get into a car crash on Ferry Road, end up with whiplash and soft tissue damage to my spine, the back pain is likely to stay with me for eternity. Lucky me.
Also, tailbone is causing so much pain that I’m finally going to get it x-rayed again so the Dr can assess if it needs to be surgically removed.
That’s just the majorish ones…
